Friday, March 20, 2009
trouble doesn't move in a single file.
Event after event, catastrophe after catastrophe... when will things turn better for me...
Ever since sec 3, life has been such a downward spiral right ?
recollection:
sent to 3e5: appeal through ms chia for 4e3 fail. landed in last express class
-lost the chance to spend two good years with best friends
-lost the chance to take A maths
-lost the chance to take pure science
-had to suffer embarassment and dignity fracture for 2 long years
-had to live underdog lifestyle for 2 long years
-felt ditched by the school and left to fend for your own for 2 long years
hope arrived in the form of:
-friends, made new friends.
-old friends, support and concern. something which i use to give, and now need.
-courage, the strength to move on
-spirit and purpose, hope of things becoming better
-result, scored well in all exams, weakest subject improved by leaps and bounds
and the downward spiral started again:
-made it into innova
-bad course combi, cuz no pure science background, attributed to sec sch life
-bad class combi, cliquey class, few real friends.
-bad maths teacher, eng kai seng was a piece of trash
-failure, didn't do well for a's, cannot go local uni
-reality, parents facing financial difficulty, no money to go private uni
hope arrived again:
-learnt to take care of myself, ease parents mind, made them feel happier
-learnt to be an example for raymond, to let him be more independent
-enjoyed ns, learning journey, made more friends
-found job, found school, dream come true, going taiwan for holiday.
and, life never fails to ridicule me,
-disappointment, bank loan not approved, financial hurdle for studies
-worry, whether job is stable or not
-fear, of not being able to complete degree impending
-dislike, one of close friend not so close after all, wavelength barrier
-contradiction, suspects i suffer from mild depression, been too hard on myself?
-loss, ability to feel happy, ability to de-stress properly.
-injured, was wrongly treated at work but colleagues don't fully support, perhaps being overtly self concious on my part.
-challenged, working with close friend, who is someone from glam class in sec sch, greatest fear, as they do not understand how the underdog lifestyle feels.
-strained, don't want to lose a friend, so giving-in in any way possible
hope has yet arrived,
-so when will it come?
-will i survive the next time luck decides to play tricks on me again?
-i dun know.
i need
the strength to move on
the will to persevere
the ability to survive
the heart to wait for hope
will life please stop fooling around with me and go on to some1 else?
i might not take the next blow it deals... ... =(
Posted at 8:21 AM